I Used To Hate Writing, Now I Love It // a brief history and the unexpected comforts of the process

I didn’t start out an adversary to writing. 

During what I now consider the pinnacle of my writing prowess, aka the third grade, my classmates regarded me as a deft and literate comrade. I distinctly remember their tiny, gawking faces when I would be the first one to hand in our in-class essays, and then watching them form again when the teacher would read my work out loud. For once in my short-lived academic career, I felt like I was excelling compared to my peers.

I was a young J.K. Rowling in the making. I was a genius! 

I was in third grade 🤦🏻‍♀️. 

Anyways, I left third grade and moved up to the fourth. My new teacher was less than impressed with my writing, as in she didn’t care if any student was even mildly decent at it because we were fourth graders 🤣. Whatever glimmer of pride I felt in my writing ability was squashed then at the age of 9—and then again and again until I didn’t consider myself remotely good at it anymore. 

I came to hate writing.

It became so hard for me to extract my thoughts and put them to words. Essays or any type of writing assignments took me hours to complete because I couldn’t formulate coherent sentences. Eventually, I even dubbed myself, and dubbed thee rather proudly,

a “bad writer”.  

(i love trebek 🥺).

For all the heartache I went through with my writing 💔, one thing I always felt in command over was reading ❤️️️. Reading was simple to do and easy to get lost into. I could control how fast or how slow I went through books, which typically meant I went through as many as possible. Best of all, it was a personal activity, no one could tell me I was a good or bad reader.

Related: Are You A Speed-Reader? // and why I am a slow reader, if you’re curious as to why I don’t read as fast I used to 😬.

To me, reading was 70% escapism, and the other 30% was learning new perspectives. So while it was entertainment like watching TV and films, there was a mindful, educational aspect of it. 

But one day in 2016, I heard this quote:

“If you’re not writing, then you’re not thinking.”

I thought about it and then thought again, “Well, that’s silly. I’m thinking right now 🤣.” 

Lame jokes aside though, the quote made me reflect upon all the books I tossed aside as soon as I was done reading. There was no denying I was learning from them, it was impossible not to with how engrossed I got. However, I got to thinking that maybe some post-meditation would render some deeper, lasting insights besides the momentary ones that occupied my head-space while reading 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️. 

So, here we are, book reviewin’ and book discussin’. My blog was hugely born out of an overreaction to that quote 😅.

Some off-handed comment made me turn something I loved, and then despised, into something I loved again. 

Real talk, for all you book bloggers out there, did you ever think that you would be doing book reports for fun when you were older 😂? 

Now, do I love writing this time around because I think I’m good at it? Nah. 

idk what im doing.

Nah, I love writing simply because:

1. writing is an objectively mindful activity

Honestly, I guess any activity can be “mindful” if I put the effort into making it 😅. But unlike some other pastimes, at its base level, writing demands that I think. I have to think about what I want to write, how I want it to look, and then why I thought something was a good idea when I delete it and start the process over again 🤦🏻‍♀️.

When I write book reviews or discussion posts, I do it painstakingly slow because I have to focus all my attention on the task and think since words don’t come easy to me. 

It’s cathartic.

That kind of brings us to my next point—

2. writing is hard

I seriously have mad respect for writers or bloggers who consistently dole out quality content ✌️. 

Personally, words are hard.  I’m not kidding when I tack things like, “this took me so long to extract from pigeon-brain,” at the end of posts 😅.

See: the post-script of Finding Value In Your Blog Even If You Don’t Make Money From It // and the obsession with making money from our hobbies lol.

This whole writing thing doesn’t come naturally to me, but I love the tedious process. Nowadays, I love to practice it because it’s so satisfying when I finally find the words to express my thoughts. It’s like they’re all in there, but I have to sit down and do some grunt work before I get to reap the reward of one intelligible thought. 

Even if all the thoughts put together come across as banal and prosaic sentences, they’re worth something in my eyes because I’ve earned those bleepers 🌟. 

3. no one can interrupt you

Okay, hear me out. This was actually the point that compelled me to write this whole spiel 😅. 

bear with me, it might make sense

When I write, I’m having a conversation I have complete authority over. 

If writing is a communication process, my brain is the sender that encodes some confused message, and my fingers are the channel that press the keys of my keyboard, allowing me to receive and decode the message at my pace and how I would like myself to interpret it.  

Okay, so maybe I shouldn’t do metaphors 🤢😂. 

What I mean is that, I love writing because, again, no one can interrupt me. When I write something out, I’m able to see my train of thoughts to the end, and then some, without someone barging in halfway with their two cents or changing the topic completely. I can fine-tune and clarify particulars, so that I control how I want to be understood to a certain degree.  

It’s so refreshing to just get it all out when I can’t keep up with people who speak smarter, faster, or louder in day-to-day interactions. 


to summarize

I will never write off (pun unintended lol) certain activities as impossible again because a fourth grade teacher didn’t acknowledge me 😂. Writing is self-validating in itself because it’s an opportunity for me to finally listen to, agree with, and challenge my own thinking.

It’s really a selfish thing in the end, something I love to focus all my energy into for just a moment, labor over, and truly indulge in. 

dance, trebek, dance!

Thanks for reading! ᵀᴴᴵˢ ᴾᴼˢᵀ ᵀᴼᴼᴷ ᴹᴱ ˢᴼ ᴸᴼᴺᴳ ᵀᴼ ᴱˣᵀᴿᴬᶜᵀ ᶠᴿᴼᴹ ᴹᵞ ᴾᴵᴳᴱᴼᴺ ᴮᴿᴬᴵᴺ 😂. 
What do you guys think about this topic? Can you relate to any of my points? What do you like about writing? Did you always like it? How many of you were third grade J.K. Rowlings 😅? Let me know 🙂. 
WHERE ELSE TO FIND ME: GOODREADS / YOUTUBE / TWITTER / INSTAGRAMBLOGLOVIN’ / TUMBLR / KO-FI

18 thoughts on “I Used To Hate Writing, Now I Love It // a brief history and the unexpected comforts of the process

  1. I felt the same way before Belle! And I totally agree that with reading, you could never be judged as a bad or a good one; writing on the other hand entails a lot of pressure. I love all your points and tbh I really like your writing voice (if that makes sense! HAHAHA) Keep on writing Belle :>

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Belle, I love this post so much!!! Like you, I was way better at writing when I was younger. Like, really young. When I was young, everyone knew me as the girl who excelled at language and writing. and then… as i got older, I stopped becoming ~special.~ I realized that I was actually a pretty mediocre writer. (kind-of an off-tangent anecdote: but i auditioned for the school paper, and i got in, but only as a copy editor. i couldn’t actually do any writing jobs for the paper 🥺) And because of that, I stopped writing and reading for a while. after I started this blog, I knew that I was going to take a long time to write posts. I’ve always wanted my writing to have a certain quality, and when I look over my writing again, I edit it excessively (sometimes pointlessly), because I hold my writing to such a high standard.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Caitlin! I’m so glad you can relate to this even though it’s kinda bleh hahaha. It always boggles my mind how things that happened when we were so young and barely self-aware can have such lasting effects 😅. Honestly, that’s your school’s loss for making you only a copy editor. If it’s any consolation, your writing does have a certain quality that I love to read, so the ~excessive editing is not for naught 😂💛!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. OMG YAS GIRL – WRITING IS HARD AF! Honestly, I have no idea – and mad respect – how those bloggers do it. You know, the ones who have quality content every other day. Like hats off because it’s HARD. I work and re-work my posts to death because sadly I’m a perfectionist. Thank you so such for sharing this post – from one 3rd grade J.K. Rowling to another. ❤

    – I used to write "novels" back in the day. I would buy a 10 cent pack of "exercise books", cut them to the size of "real" books [???], cover them in white paper, draw covers and then contact them before writing the story to go with said cover. Such a weirdo. Also, I took said "novels" into my teachers to read because I thought I was pretty crash hot. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. HAHAHA I’m glad this was so relatable, Alexandra 😄❤️. And that’s such a cute story!! Do you still have those novels? Who knows, maybe one of them is the next Harry Potter 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I do actually. I mean, they’re juvenile as F but I’m slowly trying to re-work them into a more fleshed out idea. I’d love to one day turn them into YA books! I hope you’re doing okay – sending lots of love and positive vibes your way! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. HAHA that’d be so cool to see them as books!! I’m doing okay right now, thank you 🥺! I hope you’re holding up as well 💕.

        Like

  4. This is such a wonderful post! I’m glad that you’ve rediscovered a love for writing. I agree with you: it’s really hard! Even writing book reviews can take me hours because I can be unsure how to start or whether I have captured the write phrasing, so I’ll write and erase, write and erase, write and erase. In the end, though, I love how writing is something that I can do for myself to describe an emotion at a moment in time, and I think it’s a beautiful thing to share with other people. 🙂

    claire @ clairefy

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Love this! I can totally relate. At this point in my life I think I’ve let go of all the criticisms and self doubt about my writing. I have finally found a space that is entirely my own, so my only priority is myself, and just focusing on how writing (and reading!) is more of a therapeutic activity than anything else.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Princess! Ahh, that sounds so awesome! I am determined to get to that point in my life hahaha. Also, calling writing and reading therapeutic activities is a great way to describe the comfort we get in them. I’m glad you could relate to this 🙂.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Your opening line has me smiling so wide :’) Third grade was definitely ‘the pinnacle of my writing prowess’ too.
    It is devastating to hear how you lost your pride, but I am so glad you are loving writing again. It is so hard, but so rewarding.
    “I control how I want to be understood” is such an important part of writing to me. I wish every time I had an argument with someone, or even just a discussion, I had the time to put together a written response.
    You’ve put together a really entertaining and meaningful post here, I loved reading it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahh, thank you so much, Sabrina 😄!! Hahahaha, I’m really happy that you can relate to this! Honestly, what type of magic did we all possess in third grade and where did it go??
      And yes!! It’d be a dream to pause arguments or discussions so that we could write coherent responses 😅.
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Sabrina! It means a lot 🙂!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Sometimes I wish fourth grade teachers would understand how much they can ruin in a kid’s brain 😂because honestly I’ve had my share of them too 😂 I kind of started my book blog for the same reason, I wanted to practice my writing and sending it out into the world, and also have a place to talk about books. It’s such a good point, that writing is a conversation where no one can interrupt you! I often am less energetic/loud than people I hang with so they often talk over me (w/o meaning too, mostly) so that counts for me too 🙂 Glad your blog helped you ^^

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha, yess. Someone needs to stop fourth grade teachers 😂. I’m really glad you could relate my points! It’s truly so nice not being drowned out by voices haha. Thank you, Lotte 🙂!

      Liked by 1 person

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